My Organizational and Life Strategies for Highly Sensitive Persons
Highly Sensitive Persons, those 15-20% of us with the innate trait of sensory processing sensitivity, often struggle with overstimulation and overwhelm because we’re processing so much more information than those without the trait and processing it more deeply. These are strategies I’ve developed and use daily, weekly, and annually to minimize overstimulation and keep things running smoothly with as little stress as possible. They’ve grown over the years of refinement into systems that serve me well and feel nurturing and supportive now. The time I put into early planning and preparation means that the day-to-day feels more breezy. All of this planning also means that transitions are easier, my schedule is more predictable, and it’s easier to anticipate whether or not I have the energy for a spontaneous invitation or a project. Life as a non-HSP can look so easy, and it’s so common to wonder what is wrong with us and why managing life with this trait feels so challenging sometimes. With excellent self-care and supportive practices, we can enjoy the the true gifts of the trait.
Appointments
I schedule them all in one day for the entire year and group all annual visits on one day. If you schedule a year in advance, this is quite possible. I space the appointments and enjoy the time between them, taking myself out for coffee and lunch. I’ve also found doctors in the same geographical vicinity that I love, so making this all happen in a day is feasible. I have a flexible work schedule, and I would use paid time off for this if I didn’t. I have enjoyed scheduling these appointments various years in January to start the year off right, around my birthday as a check-in point, and at the beginning of spring when the world is coming back to life.
Appointments currently on my list:
Dentist, cleanings and exam
Ob/gyn, annual visit
Mammogram, annual
Specialist follow up
Eye exam, annual
Vet for both dogs to update any vaccinations, exam, parasite and flea/tick protection
Haircut, twice per year
Sample schedule:
January 7
7:00am Mammogram
8:15am Ob/gyn appointment downstairs in same building
Stop for leisurely coffee
11:00am Specialist down the street
Lunch
2:00pm Ophthalmologist
4:30pm Dentist, cleaning and exam
6:00pm Haircut
Pick up takeout and a bottle of cold Prosecco
April 7
7:30am Vet visit
9:30am Second dental cleaning appointment
July 7
7:30am Third dental cleaning appointment and exam (I love going to the dentist four times a year for cleanings and pay for two cleanings out of pocket.)
9:00am Haircut
October 7
7:30am Fourth dental cleaning appointment
Cards
I write all of the cards for the year the first week of January and almost always schedule time off around this time of year. This is about a 15-hour project if you send about 50 birthday cards and various holiday cards and write long-ish messages in them fairly efficiently; this includes time for purchasing and organizing. I either space this task out over a week, or take off a Saturday and devote the better part of Saturday and Sunday to getting them all written and ready to go. When I purchase the cards, I also stock up on all wrapping supplies for gifts, including paper, tape, tags, and ribbon. And thank you notes? I aim to do them the same day or next day. Buy a stack when you order your cards. Keeping stationery, stamps, and address labels on your desk (or in a logical spot) makes keeping up with notes and thanks you notes easy. I keep an address book in a spreadsheet on my laptop and update it as soon as I have new address information, particularly around the holidays.
1. Make a list of all birthdays, anniversaries, and religious/secular holidays (for example, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s)
2. Make a list of all card recipients based on your list of celebrations and holidays
3. Tally the number of each type of card you need, making note of preferences for feminine, masculine, teen, or children’s cards
4. Purchase cards to fulfill your list
5. Order postage and return address labels
6. Organize cards according to date to be sent
7. Add dates for mailing to an ongoing online calendar (i.e., mail birthday card to Dan today for his birthday on April 17th)
8. Write all cards, address them, and affix postage and return labels
9. Double check the cards are in order of date to be sent
10. Mail the cards according to your calendar
Favorite stationers for cards (and wrapping paper):
Esther Clark, Minneapolis-based artist: https://www.estherclark.co/cards
Amelia Niu, Minneapolis-based artist: https://www.amelianiustudio.com/shop
Karen Adams Designs, mother-daughter team in Memphis, Tennessee: https://karenadamsdesigns.com/collections/greeting-cards
Smitten On Paper, studio in Monrovia, California: https://smittenonpaper.com/collections/greeting-cards
Rifle Paper: https://riflepaperco.com/stationery/greeting-cards
Farmette: https://www.farmette.co/
Calendars, Alarms, Time Set Aside, Task Management Tools, Mindfulness, and Tech Breaks
Recurring Events
Using an online calendar, I enter all birthdays, anniversaries, and celebrations on an automatic recurring basis and also add the date for mailing each card five days before the event on an automatic recurring basis. That way, with the cards all finished, when I see at the top of the calendar that I’m to mail Jen’s birthday card, it’s next in the stack and ready to go. This reduces the mental and physical tasks of finding cards month to month, writing them, finding postage, and remembering. I also include reminders for anything recurring: license renewal, LLC renewal, CEU reporting, professional memberships, online or app memberships renewal dates by which I may wish to cancel, estimated tax payments, etc.. The more we carry mentally, the more likely we are as HSPs to become overstimulated and overwhelmed. Setting up the calendar the first time takes a little time but, once it’s done, I never have to work to remember a birthday or deadline again.
White Calendar Time
I also use the calendar to map out what I call White Calendar Time. This is one of my most supportive practices as an HSP. I protect daily, weekly, and quarterly time for self-care, and map this out every three months. I keep White Calendar Time as totally unstructured time and honor a ritual of closing my eyes, asking myself what would be most restorative in this moment, and then doing exactly that. If I have remaining time, I ask myself the same question. Restorative time might be a nap in a quiet and dark room, a soothing bath with Epsom salt, an at-home facial, calling a friend, going for a drive or to a lake, reading near an open window, making and kneading bread or pasta, organizing the pantry, going to my favorite Korean grocery, drawing—or a long weekend visiting our daughter and son-in-law in the quarterly White Calendar Time category. Whatever pops to mind, if it will feel restorative, just do it. I don’t always have a lot of time for White Calendar Time, but mapping it out and honoring it as a priority means that I’m not going to get overwhelmed. Downshifting proactively also helps keep my nervous system running dynamically and responsively and protects me from getting highjacked and stressed.
Visual Calendar
I also use the calendar as a visual guide for determining ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ I know as an HSP that I can’t go to a children’s birthday party on a Saturday afternoon and have dinner plans at a noisy restaurant the same evening without getting bent out of shape, completely exhausted, and wind up feeling like someone put a bolt of lightning through my nervous system (made that mistake hundreds of times earlier in life). A glance at a calendar that I’ve diligently added all events to means that I instantly know whether or not I need to politely decline an invitation, move something, add more White Calendar Time to downshift, or can accept with gusto and then block the time. My one rule is that if it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event—a bridal shower, a graduation, a wedding, a funeral—you show up for the people that matter if it’s at all possible.
Phone Alarms
I use phone alarms with a pleasant, soothing tone to remind me of the start and end times of my morning routine to keep me on track and for appointment start and end times throughout the day. I set these alarms each evening when I finish my workday as the last task I complete. Then I feel the day is closed and tomorrow is set up. It provides a nice transition from work to time devoted to myself and those I love.
Task Management Tool
I use Trello, a free management tool, to create lists and manage tasks. I currently have boards for wedding planning, professional goals, and personal tasks, and spend time every day on the personal tasks board. On this board, I add tasks to lists that include from left to right: Doing, Done, Immediate, Short-term, and Long-term. Trello allows you to drag and drop items between lists and to move them up and down, so I might drag something from the Immediate list to Doing and then at the end of the day to Done. Some items live at the top of a list forever: plan menus and grocery lists, clean house/laundry, and launder towels and bedding/make bed currently reside at the top of my Immediate list, and I don’t bother dragging them to Done because I know I’ll do these things every week. I might, however, on a Sunday drag “write cards for recently announced retirements” from the Short-term list and “make a plan to pay down mortgage five years early” from the Long-term to the Doing list. Then when I finish them, they get dragged to the Done list. The system is really satisfying, and it allows me to see visually and to manage a very long list of tasks and goals. I usually don’t try to accomplish more than three tasks or goals in a day. I’m still working on the art of the manageable list, and some days despite my good intentions I have a list of 10 tasks that stack up, but Trello generally goes a long way to help me feel calm in the face of way too many things to do. If, like me, in another life you suspect you would have loved working in production or project management, you’re going to love using a project management tool. Here are some sample items from my lists:
Immediate
Schedule coffee with Leah
Send sympathy card to Harry
Reserve book group book at library
Cancel and transfer both wedding insurance policies to new date
Short-term
Add PHP installation to MySQL extension for website
Order new door for office
Have living room drapery pull repaired
Launder and press Christmas linens
Long-term
Research and identify less expensive life insurance policy
Map out CEUs for 2022-2023
Letterpress class online
Set up solo 401k for LLC
Mindfulness
Any practice that invites you to return your attention is a mindfulness practice. Meditation, breath work, or simply noticing all provide a kind of mental workout for the insula, the part of the brain responsible for present moment awareness. When our insulas have been taken to the proverbial gym on a daily basis over a period of weeks or months, it has a powerful effect, helping us to shift out of future and past rumination, expanding awareness, and providing clarity—and as the hours add up, a powerful sense of calm. Many people seem to give up on mindfulness practices because they feel they are failing at them. Having your attention drift is part of the experience. Simply escort your attention back without judgment. Every time you do this, you are strengthening your ability to be present. It can be life-changing. Want to see results? Practice for 20 minutes a day (any time of day) every day for eight weeks straight.
Tech Breaks
Our connected world also means overstimulation for HSPs. I find it helpful to not have email on my phone, to have nearly all my contacts on ‘hide alerts’ status so I’m only notified of texts from three people, to not allow push notifications for all apps, to not engage with any technology or screens on Sundays, and to set devices aside for the day early. I think we often think that scrolling on our phones or watching screens is a form of relaxation. Once in a while, sure, but this often leaves HSPs in particular feeling more charged. Choose forms of relaxation that make you feel calmer and more connected to yourself and others or to nature.
Getting Up Early and Going to Bed Early
I’m naturally a morning person, but I think one of the best practices that sets you up for a feeling of spaciousness throughout the day is to get up early. The world is quiet, the house is quiet, the sun has not yet risen, there’s an air of peace and hopefulness. Light a candle, move slowly, take a few minutes to look at the moon. Going to bed and waking at the same time every day can be supportive; so can going to bed early and waking naturally. If your circadian rhythm supports it, try it and see if you feel more productive and calmer. If not, find a schedule that works for you and allows you to feel well rested, refreshed, calm, and productive. Attending to your sleep hygiene by turning off screens one to two hours before bedtime; using your bedroom only for sleeping, sex, and reading; making the room in which you sleep dark and cool (65 degrees is optimal); investing in a comfortable mattress and bedding and sleepwear, and downshifting intentionally are all supportive.
Holiday Prep
I plan Christmas in July or August every year. You may roll your eyes, but the month of December is one of the most relaxed and joyful of the year in my life, and that’s the way I like it. As an HSP, all of this planning and prep means that life is easygoing, low stress, and smooth. One of my practices is celebrating everything in life, and that means being calm. For me, as an HSP, preparation equals calm. I never want someone I love to feel that a holiday or celebration has been tainted by stress or negativity. So at the beginning of the summer, I choose two or three cookbooks that I’ll peruse from cover to cover, reading through recipes, learning the history of recipes, and making a list of things I might want to explore. Then on a weekday in July or August (partly so I don’t occupy a table during a busy shift), I take myself out to breakfast alone at a greasy spoon with the new list, the books, and the massive three-ring binder I’ve devoted to Christmas prep past. I spend the morning reading through last year’s plans and the year before that, reading any notes about what worked or didn’t, what might need a change. I reflect on what I’d like Christmas to look and feel like this year over a second coffee. And then I map out menus beginning the week before Christmas for all dinners, little Christmas dinner on the 23rd (one of our traditions), breakfast/lunch/dinner on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and the 26th through January 2nd. After the menus are made, I make lists for Christmas baking, decide whether or not I’ll make deliveries of cookies this year, and create ingredient lists divided into staples and perishable ingredients by date, as well as a prep schedule that considers how much time and effort given recipes require. That way, if I’m baking three kinds of cookies one Saturday afternoon, I’m making a very easy dinner. Some years I want to go a little crazy, and other years it’s appropriate to scale things way back and simplify. My general goal is to be totally prepared by the end Thanksgiving weekend and to have most of the baking done and frozen, to place all of the wrapped presents under the tree as we decorate it, and to mail Christmas greetings shortly thereafter. Then we can all settle in for planned fun or tranquil evenings all December long. I leave the waitstaff an extra big tip and go home feeling excited and calm now that everything is planned. I keep both a paper journal on my desk and a note on my phone to capture gift ideas throughout the year, which also makes deciding on gifts easy.
Here’s my general prep list:
October
Check stock and purchase any necessary gift wrap, ribbon, tape, double-sided tape, boxing tape, gift tags, boxes, mailing boxes
Take and select photograph for card
Write greeting to be printed in card
Make card list and determine number of cards to be sent
Order cards
Review gift ideas journal and note and purchase all gifts
Record all gifts purchased and totals spent in Christmas three-ring binder
Wrap presents to be mailed
Mail boxes
Decide on list of seasonal activities and schedule them on the calendar
Organize recipes by date
Make Christmas pudding
Order specialty baking supplies
November
Order domestic and foreign postage for cards
Write cards
Track down addresses for people who have moved
Update address list
Assemble cards, affix postage
Finish any last shopping for gifts
Wrap all presents (presents from Santa get a very messy wrap with Santa paper)
Purchase Christmas crackers (the kind with paper hats and jokes inside)
Shop for nonperishable baking supplies (and perishables as needed for recipes)
Begin baking schedule and freeze cookies
Make Christmas passports for kids
Sort clothing to be worn for Christmas Eve and Day (dry clean, launder, press, ready)
Pick out tree (Saturday after Thanksgiving)
Decorate tree and house
Place presents under tree
December
Mail cards
Finish all baking
Make and print sheet for cookie box insert
Assemble cookie boxes
Deliver boxes
As cards arrive, check addresses against list and update any addresses
Carry out cooking and baking schedule for family
Drop off/pick up any dry cleaning
Place specialty food orders
Prepare linens for table
Polish silver
Write thank you notes as gifts arrive
22nd
Grocery shopping early morning
23rd
Pick up specialty food orders
Manicure, pedicure, deep self-care routine
Polish shoes/boots
Clean out car, clean windows, get car wash, fill car with gas
Prep Stollen dough
Food prep
26th
Finish thank you notes
I don’t spend as much preparation time for other holidays as I do for Christmas, but I do map them out well in advance. On my calendar I use automated reminders to trigger my memory one month and one week before a birthday or holiday. These give me plenty of time to use an hour or two here and there to think about gifts or to shop, plan meals, make grocery lists, and invite people to celebrate. If it brings joy, using some White Calendar Time to lie in a comfortable chair and dream of a wonderful gift for someone or do a little searching is nice, too.
Home Management
My general system for home management is to make a comprehensive list of all tasks, assign them a time value, scale them on how much energy both physically and emotionally they take, and then map them onto my mental or physical calendar. I’ve experimented with dividing them systematically across the span of a week, doing them all in a single day, hiring some of them out, and flexing with what needs to be done. In this stage of life, flexing works best for me. I do systematically deep clean and organize by area throughout the year, and leave day-to-day cleaning and house management on a weekly basis, based on, honestly, what feels comforting and soothing. Usually that’s pretty serious order and cleaning; sometimes that’s letting some things go to devote time to other priorities, including relaxation. Messiness and external clutter can contribute to overstimulation, so I aim to keep visual calm: a place for everything and everything in its place.
If you have a partner, using a master task list with time and scaling can really help to move towards balance together and sometimes helps to frame just how much unpaid work one partner is doing. Sharing the list means one person does not feel burdened, which can lead to resentment and distance. Owning a task means that you are entirely responsible for managing it mentally and physically. This is incredibly helpful for HSPs, as mentally managing so much information is taxing. Divide the list and meet in a month to reflect on what worked and what needs to be adjusted. You can even use software to create a pie chart that visually shows you how much time each partner is devoted to; you can include paid work, too, as part of this visual. I like a notebook or ring binder that you can use to manage all of these kinds of life things. If you have children, all of those decisions and tasks can go in the same place—are we signing up for soccer, who’s getting a birthday present for the classmate’s party, who’s driving to and from something? A weekly and monthly check-in for a few minutes helps to keep things running well. So does limiting your kids to one activity at a time. Yes, really. They may be better served by time than by two sports and a lesson, and you’ll have more time together. I read once that the single thing that united a study of Rhodes scholars (50 Americans awarded scholarships to pursue master’s degrees at Oxford University) was that they had all eaten dinner together with their families every night. At this stage of life, depending on how busy each of us is, my husband and I generally move intuitively now into and out of doing a little more of the day-to-day cleaning. We each own some tasks seemingly permanently, and if the other is busy we’ll pick up the slack and do more without needing to discuss it. He’ll do two loads of laundry and pick up takeout for us; I will clean the bathroom and kitchen. He’ll run the vacuum; I’ll order and pick up groceries. Because we’ve developed a true partnership, we don’t keep tabs or score, chivvy each other, or harbor resentment. If any of these things plagues you, it may mean one of you is doing far less while the other is doing far more. Or it may mean that one of you expects your more rigid standard of cleaning be enforced. Focus on developing partnership and respect. I love having everything in the cabinets, closets, refrigerator, and shower all facing forward—and I also recognize that expecting my husband and children to keep them this way would be arrogant and self-absorbed.
Need more support for organizing, purging, or cleaning? The best overall books on the subject, in my opinion, are Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House and Laundry, The Home Comforts Book of Caring for Clothes and Linens, both by Cheryl Mendelson. They are more than well-written and well-organized resources, they are beautifully written, comprehensive, and compelling guides to building a better life. You can also try Marie Kondo’s famous method of organizing available in her book on demonstrated across her TV series, or check out Canadian-based cleaning company Go Clean Co who have very simple cleaning and laundry manuals at bleachpraylove.com and tips on Instagram.
Here are my lists for home tasks and organization.
More frequent tasks
Launder sheets weekly and make bed(s)
Launder towels each week
Make menus, grocery list
Grocery shopping
Food prep, kitchen clean up, and dishes
Dust all surfaces and objects
Vacuum floors
Mop hard surface floors
Clean kitchen, including stove
Clean out refrigerator
Clean bathroom(s)
Pick up after dogs in yard every day
Brush dogs
Less frequent tasks
Make quarterly estimated tax payments
Tax filings
Holiday decorations up and down
Launder table linens used for holidays and celebrations
Greetings and/or presents for all birthdays and all holidays
Spring and fall lawn cleanup
Refresh mulch in landscaping
Sharpen lawn mower blade and tune up mower
Sweep patio/deck/exterior surfaces
Weed rock beds
Trim shrubs
Plantings/potted arrangements for spring, summer, fall, winter
Appointments for child(ren)
Bathe dogs once per month, grooming appointments once per month
Vet appointments for dogs for well checks and vaccinations
Parasite prevention for dogs once per month
Change furnace filter monthly
Add rock salt to water softener monthly
Replace batteries in smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors
Clean light fixtures
Clean range hood and fans
Clean dishwasher and washer/dryer; clean dryer lint trap
Clean interior and exterior of oven(s)
Clean tops of cabinets
Clean exterior and interior of dishwasher, including filter
Vacuum and scrub baseboards
Spot wipe walls, doors, hardware, light switches
Clean windows, interior
Clean windowsills and window tracks
Power scrub exterior of house
Clean windows, exterior
Vacuum mattress
Deep clean all surfaces inside refrigerator, check all expiration dates and dispose of expired items, wipe down all containers
Sort and organize all cabinets, closets, drawers; donate, sell, or dispose of items as appropriate; vacuum out these spaces and wipe them down before replacing contents
Clean exterior and interior of all cabinets and drawers
Move furniture and vacuum under surfaces
Scrub all walls
Scrub baseboards
Scrub backsplashes in kitchen and bathroom(s)
Wipe doors
Vacuum furniture
Vacuum ceilings (this one’s for you, Mom, and for all the Irish grandmas)
Clean draperies, linens
Clean interior of car, treat seats if leather, clean exterior of car
Perform car maintenance and oil changes
Repair broken items
Schedule home maintenance by professionals, such as tune up for air conditioner, cleaning out dryer vent, etc.
Finances
Eliminate spending that does not add to your quality of life, such as magazines, box subscriptions, gym memberships you don’t use weekly, coffee you don’t make yourself, online services, apps, Amazon and other spontaneous one-click purchases, grocery items such as juice, sparkling water, soda, chips, crackers, other processed boxed and canned foods, processed meat, sugary processed foods, sugary yogurts, bottled salad dressings, etc. Make a list of all of the items you can eliminate and tally the cost per year. It adds up. Dedicating the money you’ve saved to something specific—a vacation fund, a goal, a savings target—can help you stay focused and motivated when you’re tempted to go back to old spending patterns.
Automate bill paying and saving through use of your bank’s online options, workplace options, and financial advisor. These are simple to set up and do the work for you.
Make a simple budget and use it. Taking cards out of your purse or wallet, not storing credit card information in online shops like Amazon or in Google, and using cash in envelopes for categories of spending (such as groceries, take out, gas, dry cleaning, entertainment) is especially helpful if you struggle with overspending. Once the cash is gone, you’re done shopping. I used this method about 20 years ago, and I saved the little sums I didn’t spend in each category in a slush fund that added up over time. It was rewarding and easy.
Meal Planning and Prep, Nutrition, and Hydration
I keep this simple. I eat the same few breakfasts every week, the same few lunches, and a longer list of dinners. Bircher Muesli made with raw kamut is the most common breakfast I eat, and I make a big batch every week, which lasts for a week. Every morning I top it with seasonal fruit, a few chopped raw nuts, chia seeds, and cinnamon (fall/winter) or fresh mint (summer). Lunch, if I’m hungry, is avocado toast with some healthy extras, tuna with olives and vegetables, a little mezze lunch of dolmas with olives and almonds and vegetables, or soup if I’ve cooked some that week. I sometimes make a smoothie or juice in the afternoon if I have not been hungry for lunch. One evening each week (usually Thursday), I map out the week of dinners, looking at the calendar to see what nights I have time for cooking. I generally cook two nights a week and eat leftovers, and we get takeout one night. I look at the master list of meals and choose something, make a grocery list, and place a grocery order to pick up the next day. I almost always make a soup/stew/curry, a rice or grain salad with lots of vegetables that will keep, and one more meal. Easy-peasy and nutritious.
My Bircher Muesli
Makes about a week’s worth of ½ cup servings for two for a week
4 or 5 granny smith apples
35 ounces plain Greek yogurt (I prefer 5% Fage; may substitute vegan yogurt)
¼ c. ground golden or brown flaxseed (ground is more bioavailable; grind whole flaxseeds if you wish)
¼ c. raisins
12 ounces rolled kamut (YuPik organic from Amazon)
2 ½ c. coconut water
Place the yogurt in a large bowl. Peel the apples and grate them into the yogurt, stirring them in after each apple is grated to prevent browning. Add the flaxseed, raisins, and kamut and stir together. Add the coconut water and stir until well combined. Refrigerate overnight.
To serve, place ½ c. Bircher muesli in a bowl and top with a sprinkle of chia seeds and cinnamon or torn fresh mint; about one piece of seasonal fruit, chopped; and a few raw nuts, chopped (I always eat three raw almonds, two raw Brazil nuts, one raw walnut half). If you prefer a sweeter breakfast, you can also add a little maple or fruit syrup, conserves, or jam. For example, in winter you could add pear, hazelnuts, a tiny drizzle of maple syrup, and a spoonful of ginger pear butter.
My Green Smoothie
Serves 2-6
Juice of a lemon
1 teaspoon high grade matcha (I love Encha.)
6 cups packed spinach (5 ounces)
2 tasty apples, cored
2 ribs celery
1 frozen or fresh banana
Small knob ginger (if available)
Small knob fresh turmeric (if available)
1 cup coconut water
1 cup water
Blend in a high-powered blender until smooth.
Simple Americanized Mezze Lunch
Serves 1
Dolmas (2 or 3)
Baba ghanoush (about ¼ cup)
Marcona almonds (10 to 12)
Kalamata or mixed olives (4 or 5)
Cucumber spears
Carrot sticks
Celery sticks
Sugar peas
Cherry or grape tomatoes
Hydration
Staying properly hydrated will increase your energy, curb your appetite, boost your mood and immune function, help keep your mind focused and alert, support good digestion and elimination, and is good for your skin. I drink water to start the day, drink eight ounces each of green tea and black tea, two herbal teas, a matcha, and adaptogenic mushroom chai throughout the day, and end the day with water before bed. Finding ways that make drinking water more appealing and automatic so that you’re well hydrated can make life as an HSP surprisingly better.
Morning and Evening Routines
I use a Word doc to map out supportive practices for the upcoming month, experimenting and noting what’s working well and what needs an adjustment based on how much time I have and what feels good. These always include a morning and evening routine. My current lists are below. Most practices take just a minute or two so, while the list looks exhaustive and perhaps like the day of a retired person, it’s quite manageable. When I had small children, I did not have a list like this. I aim for 85-90% or more of the list each day, allowing myself flexibility. Taking care of yourself, I believe, requires both discipline and enough ease that it does not become a stressor itself.
Stacking Habits and Creating Environmental Cues
Creating patterns or chains of habits that flow from one into the other is a powerful way of streamlining habits that are supportive. We all know some of this automaticity—maybe you brush your teeth and then put on your pajamas every single day. The beauty of habits is that we don’t think consciously about them, so they don’t take mental energy. If you set up habit chains, like morning and evening routines, self-care, and workflow, you reduce decision making and stress. The benefits of the habits add up over time, too, creating more energy, vitality, and ease.
Setting the environment for these chains also helps. Laying out your workout clothes for the next day as part of your evening routine, putting the book you’d like to read right next to the television remote, filling bottles with water in the evening and placing them on your desk or in your bag for the next day, —all of these kinds of tasks set up your environment to support your habits. If you walk by a plate of brownies all day long, you’re probably going to eat a brownie, even if you’ve set the intention to eat sweets once a week, so wrap them and put them out of sight or in the freezer right away. Take an hour and map out your goals, walk through your home and work environments, and see where you can change your environment to support yourself.
Workflow and Templates
If your work can be streamlined into processes and a workflow that you follow each day, this can also reduce stress. I follow the same procedures in the same order and use email templates for a number of types of correspondence. I also only check email twice per day now to minimize task switching and mental stress.
Weekly Personal Care
Each week on Sunday I set aside a little extra time to take care of myself physically and to do things I don’t have time for on a weekday. My current list is below on Sunday’s schedule. You can make all of this feel special by adding essential oils, changing up the products you use, and slowing down and enjoying the process. Don’t have time for any of this? Place a wash cloth you’ve run under very hot water on your face for a few seconds before you go to bed and then gently exfoliate your face with it. Take 30 seconds extra in your shower to apply some oil to your skin. Rub some lotion into your feet before you get into bed.
Elevate Life and Create Soothing Environments
Set up space in your home that is visually ordered, calming, and welcoming and keep this space as a place of retreat. In the rest of your home, choose colors, fabrics, and layout that are as soothing as possible. Even in your dress, adopting a rule that you’ll only purchase things you love that are comfortable will make your days less stressful. A capsule wardrobe—one of simple pieces that can be mixed and matched without much thought, also reduces stress and overwhelm.
Practices that elevate life can offer joy, comfort, and meaning, and can support HSPs in their desire to build relationships that are deep and meaningful and a life that is rich.
Small practices that elevate life
Spend time connecting to the wonder of nature, even if it’s only for a minute or two each day
Slow down and savor; noticing subtlety is one of your gifts to embrace
Foster the deep connection and relationships you crave
Text people now and then just to tell them they matter
Write to people you care about
Act on impulses to care for others
Deliver dinner
Send flowers
Send a care package
Send a comfort object
Call
Abide with those who are suffering without trying to fix it, minimize it, or cheer them up
Use the good dishes
Light soothing candles every day
Early in the morning
Before the sun rises
With dinner
In the evening
My husband lights a particular candle every night that represents our relationship that we affectionately call the love candle
Get cozy
Have beautiful blankets in locations where they can be used
Buy the good wool socks
Set up your lighting so that it’s soothing
A good mattress, sheets, and pajamas make a world of difference
If furniture or furniture placement is not working, make a change
Cook! (Just do it, it makes life so much better and creates connection. Learning takes some time and patience, and it’s a life skill that will forever serve you.)
Purchase inexpensive flowers now and then (One of my favorites is a big bunch of chamomile.)
Adopt my motto: Do it once, do it right.
Invest in things that are timeless and will last
Do the research before you choose things
Calculate cost per wear or cost per use
Only buy things you truly love
Prioritize joy
Say no to everything that gets in the way of building a good life. Say ‘no’ to say ‘yes’ to the things you truly choose to prioritize.
Budget for and find ways to incorporate the things that make you feel effervescent (plant a lilac bush, have a potluck if you can’t afford to host a dinner party, order a gardenia for yourself every year on your birthday)
Invest in Relationships as a Priority
According to the 75-year Harvard Study of Adult Development, “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.” Research on couple relationships indicates it takes five and a quarter hours per week in one-on-one time to maintain connection in a romantic relationship. It may sound impossible, especially if you have young children, but it is possible—and so important. Map it out: 30 minutes before bed, a meal together, coffee in the morning, a block of time on a weeknight or weekend. According to preeminent couple researcher John Gottman, “Good relationships aren’t about clear communication—they’re about small moments of attachment and intimacy.” Weave them throughout your day and week: a sweet greeting in the morning, when you reunite after work, and before bed; listening and responding when the person you love says something, however trivial; talking to each other while you’re eating dinner; being affectionate as you pass; writing a post it note to say how much you appreciate some quality; doing the small, quotidian tasks of life with love; showing patience; being kind; remembering the details of the other person—you like extra mayo on your sandwich spread all the way to the edges of the bread, your favorite movie is on tonight, you have a stressful presentation on Tuesday—all of these small investments in each other build a connected life that is a buffer to the stresses of life and relationships.
Ditch the Guilt and Practice Self-Compassion
If you’re a selfless person run ragged by meeting the needs of others, and you’re always at the bottom of your list—if you’re even on the list, pleasepleaseplease ditch the guilt. Caring for yourself is necessary as an HSP. If you will invest in yourself, the people and relationships you’re scrambling to prioritize will benefit. Trust me. Life gets easier when you actually take some time for yourself. In fact, you may find that you’re calmer and more productive when rest and rejuvenation is built into your life. There will be seasons when you can give more to others and seasons when you can give less.
Mapping it Out and Making a Hard Copy
Once you begin building your routines, practices, and habit stacks, you can create a document that lays out your days. I’m currently experimenting with a new way to track by creating a monthly log. I uploaded the document I created to FedEx (or UPS) to print and spiral bind it and picked it up. Tracking is one of the most supportive practices you can employ to increase your adherence to your new or ongoing commitments. An analog document that shows us the story of our self-care is concrete information and feedback. At the end of the month, I will review this new version of my tracker, reflect on what I’d like to change or adjust, and update it. Then I will upload it for printing and pick it up the next day to begin a new month with a new plan and outlook. My June planner for meals, weekdays, and weekends is below as an example and a place to start if you wish to build your own.
I’m in a particular stage of life which allows me more time to devote to quiet time and self-care, but even in the busiest seasons of life, this is important—perhaps even critical—for HSPs. To develop your own practices: experiment, evaluate, and adjust. Perhaps start by making some notes about what you’d like to try, keeping them in a central place, and returning to them often to reflect on what’s working and what needs a little adjustment—or to be ditched. Choose one of the ideas above, make it your own, change it up until it feels right, and add slowly until life feels easier and calmer. As HSPs we take in more information, process it more deeply, and notice subtlety. We feel deep empathy, and we see complexity. We need more quiet time, more predictable days. Systems that support us can allow for more ease and can be truly transformative. When you acknowledge that your innate biology drives the need for lower stimulation environments, more time to process, and deeper relationships, I hope that you will bring compassion to viewing yourself, making decisions, and creating a life that supports you.
Looking at the Big Picture
Area of life to assess:
Primary relationship (if it’s part of your life)
Parenting (if it’s part of your life)
Finances
Friendships
Health
Fitness
Habits
Community
Faith (if it’s part of your life)
It’s important every now and then to reflect on the big picture of your current stage of life and to assess what’s working and what’s not, to look at the environments, relationships, schedule, practices and habits that make up the constellation of your life, and to examine if some bigger piece needs to shift. Years ago, I was on my way to a master’s in education because I loved teaching in Japan when I was just out of college. But some time shadowing a couple of very generous high school teachers reminded me powerfully that, while I loved teaching and my students, I always felt completely depleted and drained at the end of every day teaching. The commotion of all of those wonderful students, the high visual stimulation, the voices—it was too much for me as an HSP. I loved the work, but as I looked at planning my future, I knew that choosing an environment with lower stimulation would allow me more life outside of work, and that was and is a priority. We don’t all have the luxury of choosing a new job or field of work, and I recognize that. And these changes aren’t instant. Don’t trap yourself, however, believing that no change is possible. I make this point because looking at the whole picture and being honest with yourself about what is contributing to the totality of the information you are processing on a day-to-day basis—and the ways you are empowered to make change—is life changing. That’s what I wish for you. You can look at the big picture quarterly, annually, or once every five years—or at all of those intervals. The goal is to keep attending to making your life feel easier and to reach your goals.
My Tracker
Week of June 6, 2021 (and same sheet for each new week of the month)
40 vegetables and fruits
1._____________________________________ 21. _____________________________________ Extras:
2._____________________________________ 22. _____________________________________
3._____________________________________ 23. _____________________________________
4._____________________________________ 24. _____________________________________
5._____________________________________ 25. _____________________________________
6. _____________________________________ 26. _____________________________________
7. _____________________________________ 27. _____________________________________
8. _____________________________________ 28. _____________________________________
9. _____________________________________ 29. _____________________________________
10. ____________________________________ 30. _____________________________________
11. ____________________________________ 31. _____________________________________
12. ____________________________________ 32. _____________________________________
13. ____________________________________ 33. _____________________________________
14. ____________________________________ 34. _____________________________________
15. ____________________________________ 35. _____________________________________
16. ____________________________________ 36. _____________________________________
17. ____________________________________ 37. _____________________________________
18. ____________________________________ 38. _____________________________________
19. ____________________________________ 39. _____________________________________
20. ____________________________________ 40. _____________________________________
Meal plan
Breakfasts _______________________________________________________________________________
Lunches
1._______________________________________________________________________________________
2._______________________________________________________________________________________
3._______________________________________________________________________________________
Dinners
1._______________________________________________________________________________________
2._______________________________________________________________________________________
3._______________________________________________________________________________________
Other options
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Monday, June 7 (and same sheet for each weekday of the month)
Morning routine
__ __Bring laundry to laundry room
__ __Dogs out and fed
__ __Water
__ __Work flow
__ __Client email check with responses only to late cancelations and urgent issues
__ __Client billing
__ __Quickbooks
__ __Client ledger
__ __Personal email
__ __Client session prep
__ __Meditate, pray
__ __Restorative visualization of health, vision for life, fulfillment of goals
__ __Exercise, cardio
__ __Postural restoration exercises
__ __Brief qigong or yoga practice
__ __Green tea, supplements, flower essence
__ __Make bed
__ __Dry brush, shower (including cold blast), skincare, teeth, hair, dress
__ __Breakfast (11:00am)
__ __Writing (1 hour minimum)
Hydration
__ __Black tea
__ __Adaptogenic mushroom chai
__ __Matcha
__ __Herbal tea
__ __Herbal tea
Work
__ __Client appointments
__ __Progress notes
__ __Charting and paperwork
__ __Breaks (lunch and/or smoothie/juice, grounding practices)
__ __Client email responses and client contact log documentation
Evening
__ __Brief restorative practices, set aside all screens, and set alarms for tomorrow as ritual to close work day
__ __Walk dogs and think
__ __Capture any book notes
__ __Three tasks identified night before
__ __White Calendar Time, however brief
__ __Dinner with husband and feed dogs
__ __Relax with husband, drink kombucha, kitchen closed
Evening routine
__ __In Trello, move tasks for day to Done, add any tasks that have popped up during the day, plan tasks for next day and move them to Doing
__ __Water
__ __Go to bed at 9:00pm
__ __Skincare, teeth, moisturize
__ __Pray
__ __Read until I’m sleepy and sleep until I wake naturally
Saturday, June 12 (and same sheet for each Saturday of the month)
Morning routine
__ __Bring laundry to laundry room
__ __Dogs out and fed
__ __Water
__ __Work flow
__ __Client email check with responses only to late cancelations and urgent issues
__ __Client billing
__ __Quickbooks
__ __Client ledger
__ __Personal email
__ __Client session prep
__ __Meditate, pray
__ __Restorative visualization of health, vision for life, fulfillment of goals
__ __Green tea, supplements, flower essence
__ __Make bed
__ __Dry brush, shower (including cold blast), skincare, teeth, hair, dress
__ __Breakfast (11:00am)
Hydration
__ __ __ __ __ __
Work
__ __Client appointments
__ __Progress notes
__ __Breaks (lunch and/or smoothie/juice, grounding practices)
__ __Client email responses and client contact log documentation
Evening
__ __Brief restorative practices, set aside all screens, and set alarms for tomorrow as ritual to close work day
__ __Capture any book notes
__ __White Calendar Time, however brief
__ __Takeout for dinner with husband and feed dogs
__ __Relax with husband, drink kombucha, kitchen closed
Evening routine
__ __Water
__ __Go to bed at 9:00pm
__ __Skincare, teeth, moisturize
__ __Pray
__ __Read until I’m sleepy and sleep until I wake naturally
Sunday, June 13 (and same sheet for each Sunday of the month)
Longer White Calendar Time
Morning Practices
__ __Bring laundry to laundry room
__ __Dogs out and fed
__ __Water
__ __Meditate, pray
__ __Restorative visualization of health, vision for life, fulfillment of goals
__ __Green tea, supplements, flower essence
Hydration
__ __ __ __ __ __
Tasks
__ __Meal planning
__ __Grocery order
__ __Cleaning
__ __Laundry
__ __Launder sheets
__ __Make bed
__ __Walk dogs and think
__ __Book notes
Weekly Self-care Routine
__ __Pluck and trim brows
__ __Trim nails
__ __Neti pot
__ __Physical and chemical exfoliate face
__ __Mask
__ __Steam face
__ __Facial roller
__ __Deep moisturize face
__ __WaterPik teeth and brush for a longer cycle
__ __Hair treatment (Olaplex 3, Olaplex 1 and 3, apple cider vinegar rinse, or hard water chelating treatment)
__ __Exfoliate body (dry brush, Kessa mitt, or body scrub)
__ __Shave
__ __Deep moisturize body
__ __Deep moisturize feet
__ __Deep moisturize hands
__ __Text friends to schedule social time
__ __Project if I’m in the mood
__ __Dinner with husband/family/friends and feed dogs
__ __Relax with husband/family/friends
Evening Routine
__ __Water
__ __Go to bed at 9:00pm
__ __Skincare, teeth, moisturize
__ __Pray
__ __Read until I’m sleepy and sleep until I wake naturally
I frequently update these routines. Here’s one from April 2024:
Morning/day
Wake naturally between 4:30 and 6:30am
Red light mask, remember the day is a gift
Dogs: out, medicine, food
Water, probiotic
Read two chapters
Make coffee, take supplements
Billing and Quickbooks on client days, email
Check weather for walk and plan timing
Brush teeth, sunscreen, dress for walking, moisturize feet, shoes on
Write
Walk one hour, record walk stats
Rinse/ready for work
Client prep
Client appointments
Client notes
Set alarms for the next day
Dinner prep, dinner
Tasks
Shower, skin care
Relax
Evening
Fill Berkey water filter
Sleep hygiene routine
Read
Go to sleep early
Day Off
Morning routine and walk, then:
Nails and toenails
Trim brows
Neti pot
Brush teeth longer cycle, WaterPik, white strips
Physical facial exfoliant, chemical facial exfoliant
Cleanse face
Steam face
Facial mask
Shower, exfoliate, shave, wash hair, hair turban
Moisturizer
Remove white strips, brush teeth
Remove facial mask with hot cloth
Treatment lotion
Facial cream
Sunscreen
Hair protein cream, blow out spray, blow out
Dress
Menus, groceries, pre prep and cooking
If you wish to work together to better understand the trait of sensory processing sensitivity, or being a Highly Sensitive Person, and ways to manage your life and relationships better, please be in touch to schedule a free half-hour consultation. Email: laura@therapymplsmn.com