Being in the midst of a midlife crisis can feel like being trapped in a nightmare for both partners. And it can seem like it will never end. It will. Keep checking in with each other. It is possible to survive midlife crisis together. The truth is that there are many gifts on the other side of a midlife crisis. Partners who can weather the storm of a midlife crisis with grace and dignity, by paying attention, by honoring the gripping desire for external change one partner is wrestling with, and who can focus on themselves and on the big picture, can come through the other side with a more fulfilling shared life than they had before the crisis. Relationships can be even more connected and exciting after a midlife crisis than might have been possible beforehand. Hang in there. This isn’t easy, but it’s possible. A crisis can be a catalyst for intentionality and meaning. It can be a break-through, a time to wake up and create a life that is in alignment with what you both truly want. In the midst of the crisis, external change seems like the answer; the siren song of the un-lived life can be powerfully gripping.  But the deeper need over time is for internal reflection and understanding. On the hardest days remember it’s possible to survive a midlife crisis as a couple, to support each other through it, and to come though it stronger and more fulfilled than ever.

If you or your partner may be in the midst of midlife crisis:

• Be compassionate towards one another.
• Remember that this is a painful, challenging, and confusing time for both of you.
• Focus on yourself and try to use this time for growth and for pursuing individual interests.
• Honor the process, even when you want to be dismissive.
• Respect your partner, even if he or she seems or sounds like a stranger most days.
• Be gentle to yourself and to each other. Kindness goes a long way.
• Stay connected as much as you can.
• Have some fun together. Life is hard right now. Take a break and do something you enjoy together. Or find something new to do together.
• Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who truly understands midlife crisis and can help the two of you navigate this difficult time together.

Laura Lindekugel M.S., M.S., LAMFT, SEP is a partner in Rekindle Counseling and specializes in midlife crisis and infidelity.  Contact her directly with questions or to schedule a free 30-minute consultation at laura@rekindlethespark.com or at 952.806.0014.