Writer Felicia Schneiderhan reached out to me this month as a source for an article she is writing on overwhelmed, overstimulated, and Highly Sensitive parents for Parents Magazine. Here’s our interview from March 22, 2018 with lots of information and strategies for overstimulated and overwhelmed parents.Read More
There seems to be some buzz in our culture recently around affair proofing your marriage. This concerns me because it suggests that infidelity happens in the context of a relationship in which there is deficit. The logic goes that if your relationship is strong and healthy, you’ll never have to face infidelity as a couple. The truth is much more complicated than that.Read More
Congratulations! You’re excited, focused on your wedding preparations, a little nervous perhaps, and ready to begin your life together. So why consider seeing a couples therapist at this stage? While it may be appealing to focus on the strengths of your relationship as you prepare to get married, looking honestly at your particular challenges now will really serve your relationship well. Again and again as I provide information, resources, and tools, the couples I work with say: Why didn’t anyone ever tell us this?! Working with someone who specializes in relationships can provide insight and concrete, solution-focused help that you’re not likely to get in a religiousRead More
If there has been infidelity in your relationship, it’s highly likely that the betrayed person has or will at some point become extremely emotional and/or enraged. This often happens when this person does not feel heard, understood, or validated, or that you do not understand the profound impact of the infidelity or the depth of the pain you have caused. Sometimes it comes as a result of wanting you to experience a fraction of the pain he or she is experiencing. If you respond with defensiveness or with moving away, the anger or emotion may escalate.Read More
If you are considering revealing infidelity or infidelity has been discovered, these tips may help you to minimize damage and to set the foundation for repair, if that is what you desire. If the goal is recovery as a couple, it's important to be intentional from the beginning. If you get mired in holding back information, denial, blurring facts, minimizing, and blaming, it will be more challenging to repair and rebuild trust. These are general guidelines. If you have special circumstances, such a partner with a history of depression, for example, do consider speaking with a counselor or therapist for more appropriate guidance tailored to your particular relationship.
Ten Tips for Revealing and Discussing InfidelityRead More
Being in the midst of a midlife crisis can feel like being trapped in a nightmare for both partners. And it can seem like it will never end. It will. Keep checking in with each other. It is possible to survive midlife crisis together. The truth is that there are many gifts on the other side of a midlife crisis. Partners who can weather the storm of a midlife crisis with grace and dignity, by paying attention, by honoring the gripping desire for external change one partner is wrestling with, and who can focus on themselves and on the big picture, can come through the other side with a more fulfilling shared life than they had before the crisis. Relationships can be even more connected and exciting after a midlife crisis than might have been possible beforehand. Hang in there. This isn’t easy, but it’s possible.Read More
Weathering your partner's midlife crisis while keeping your sense of humor and hope is extremely challenging. The person you have known and love may be making changes, either subtle or radical. He or she may feel like a stranger some or most of the time. He or she may be rewriting history, even your history, and questioning you and the relationship. If you want to survive midlife crisis as a couple, you'll have to be patient.Read More
If you are facing a midlife crisis, you may hope it will just go away, or you may believe that dismissing it or ignoring it will help. Unfortunately the feelings people experience in midlife crisis are strong and often persistent, and it’s important to pay attention to those feelings without acting suddenly on them. Many couples make it through significant midlife issues. You can help your relationship by taking time to unpack the feelings you are having. Common feelings include:Read More
So what happens during a therapy consultation?
The purpose of a therapy consultation is to make sure we feel like a good fit. So after we meet, you'll have about half an hour to assess whether or not you would feel good about working together. You'll leave with a good sense of whether or not you feel comfortable in the office, with me, and with our conversation. Though you won't know or trust me yet, you will have a sense of whether or not you can see yourself speaking freely with me about things that are important or difficult. You'll get a sense of my personality. You can share a bit about what you are experiencing or hoping for--or not if you wish. And you'll have time to ask any questions you may have about me, the way I work, what happens in therapy, or details about payment and scheduling and the like.Read More